Talk Is Cheap: Be Expensive

I once heard a quote that said, “If you sell yourself cheap, only cheap people will buy you.” Wow. This is the truth! Think about it for a second…. I’m a total sale shopper. So, when I go into a store, I walk right past the items at the front of the store and make a beeline to the clearance items. The bigger the sale, the more excited I get! Why am I a sale shopper??? Because I only have sale money! I have a small amount of money that I have to spend and I’m not going to use my entire shopping budget to buy one expensive thing. I rather buy a whole bunch of cheap stuff! If I had more money, I would buy more expensive things. Do you know what I would do to buy a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes? I would love to walk in those cloud-like shoes with the red bottoms! But, I refuse to use my whole check to buy a pair. So, right now I’m hitting up DSW (used to be Payless) with the hope of finding some really cute, really cheap shoes!
Did you hear what I said? I don’t have much money, so I buy what I can afford.

This is the same with the relationships. How? Glad you asked!

If you could put a dollar amount on you, how much would it be? A hundred dollars? A thousand? How about a trillion? I’m sure that someone is saying, “I’m worth infinity!” But, how did you come up with this number?

If you said that you are worth an enormous amount of money, explain why. What makes you this expensive? Your value is derived from what you have to offer. Let’s be real. If you have nothing to offer, you will not attract a high bidder.

Louboutin shoes are not expensive just because. These shoes are said to be some of the most comfortable heels ever made. These shoes are usually decorated with elaborate feathers, the highest valued python, plush satin, and atypical designs not seen anywhere else. In particular, one Louboutin shoe design is made from the finest alligator skin and sells for about $4,700.

I hear females talk about their dream man all the time. They want a man that makes 6-figures. A man that is loving and caring. A man that rubs your feet and massages your head. A faithful man. A man that can buy a mansion and with a white picket fence. A man that will protect you. A man that resembles Boris Kodjoe or Idris Elba. A man that loves God. Well, that is all fine and dandy. I wouldn’t mind that myself! But, how do you plan to attract a man like this? As women, we must be aware of our responsibility in attracting a man like this… You cannot go around looking like “Who do it? And what for?” and expect to attract a man like that.

Evaluate what you have to offer. Offer some class. Offer some elegance. Offer some grace. Offer some sophistication and maturity. This doesn’t mean that you forget who you are or you lose your personality. But, there comes a time in every woman’s life when refinement is necessary. So, be honest with yourself…

You teach men how to treat you.
I remember a time when I was letting a guy treat me less than I was worth. I really liked this guy. So, I let him get away with things to appease him and his mammoth ego. One thing that stuck out to me was that he would never call me. Never. He would only text me. What?! That is both rude and suspicious. But, I let him do it. I remember asking him one time why he never called me and he said that it wasn’t necessary. Wasn’t necessary?! Immediately, I should have deuced out on his behind. But, I didn’t. I stayed. So, when he stopped texting me and coming by all together, I found out I was just a rebound girl for him and I had the nerve to be confused!
I thought, “I’m worth more than that! I’m not some rebound girl!”

I knew this, but he didn’t. Why? Because I didn’t teach him. I wanted him to call me, but every time he texted me, I responded without even blinking. I wanted to be a priority in his schedule, but let him see me whenever he felt like it. I wanted him take me on a real date, but I went to his house every time we hung out. So, how could I expect him to treat me any differently??? I sold myself short.

If you want to be treated like a queen, act like one. Don’t go outside with your hair in rollers and your children with snot noses. Don’t yell from one end of the store to the other end in an attempt to stop your child from climbing in the frozen meat freezer. Don’t go to church with your tightest, shortest skirt on. Cover up and have some secrets! Learn that modesty can go much further than showing all your skin. Don’t spend all your money on getting a new hairdo and your kids look like The Little Rascals. Don’t spend all your money on getting a new hairdo and then can’t pay your bills. Wear clothes that fit. Wear makeup that doesn’t look drag-ish. Treat other women right. If you see a woman with some cute shoes, give her a compliment. Don’t be a hater. Don’t be evil to men. Trust somebody! Don’t make him pay for your exes’ past mistakes. But, guard your heart. Don’t let just anyone come and sweep you off your feet. Get a job and keep it. Don’t expect someone else to pay your bills. Work on your anger issues. Get rid of that stank attitude. It’s not cute at all. Forgive. Love. Blush. Laugh from your gut. Don’t bad mouth people. Watch the news. Learn new words. Get a hobby. Fine tune a talent. Sing. Dance. Act. Go to a play. Go to the opera. Travel. Get off your neighborhood block for a little while. See the world. Prioritize your life. Learn time management. Don’t be late to everything. (That was for me.) Make some promises to yourself and fulfill them. Increase your value!

If you work on yourself, you won’t even fall for the “cheap buyers” anymore.

We cannot put all the blame on men for the way that they treat us because most of us taught them to treat us improperly. Know this… You are a queen. You do deserve the best. You are worthy of untainted love. You are more expensive than a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes. You are the best person to be you. But, it’s up to you to teach men (and women) this! The next time some guy tries to “spit game” ask him how much he has in his wallet because you don’t come cheap.

I’m in the same boat as all the other single women of this world… To get the results we want, we have to put in the work! Smile! You’re gorgeous and very capable!

Tootles!

BNC


P.S.
• If you want a man that has a 6-figure job, realize your responsibilities. He most likely will be going to important events and meeting important people. You have to be able to present a certain amount of elegance to pull off being on his arm. You have to be able to converse with his boss and his boss’ wife about current events. You have to have the strength to not get up and beat the crap out of the woman on the other side of the room that keeps staring at your husband. He’s well-read, he’s nice looking, and he’s got his stuff together. You think other women won’t be attracted to him? Guess again!
OR
• If you want a man that looks “fine as wine”, realize your responsibilities. He’s got swag, a keen sense of style, and the confidence to pull off this image he carries. He lights up the room and causing everyone to turn their head when he walks in. Do you think that he wants some crazy-looking woman beside him? You sitting there looking like a rat-head with some wild hairdo and an outfit that doesn’t really fit your body type… Not a good look. You have to be able to realize what looks good on you. You must compliment him with your style and adornment.
OR
• You say you want a “churched” man, a man of God, a minister even. Great! But, what responsibilities come with this type of man? The ability to encourage and support him even when you’re sick of his “gig”. A heart for God’s people. The will to do the work of God beside him. The art of listening, not just hearing, his woes and worries about serving God’s people. The relentless need for the presence of God in your life….

Just to name a few…