ROLL CALL: Ms. Independent? Here!

I was at the bookstore the other day and ran across a very intriguing book. It was a self-help book for women on dating. Inside the book, the author gave different names to different types of women. Examples include: Ms. Matrimony (a women that desperately wants to gets married), Ms. All About Me (a woman that only thinks and cares about herself), Ms. Can’t Let Go (a woman that suffocates every man she dates and can’t let go even after a breakup), etc. Out of all of these names, my best friend and I tried to find ourselves or the closest “Ms.” to our personalities and dating styles. It was difficult because we didn’t fit the criteria for all of the different types of “Ms.” available. So, I decided to create some “Ms.” of my own and develop a blog series on them. First one up… MS. INDEPENDENT!

Why did I pick her first?! Well, it’s always easiest to start by describing yourself…

Hehe…

Ms. Independent (or Ms. I) is described as this, “mostly happy with her single life because anything she needs, she can do herself.” This is me. She doesn’t wait on a man to do anything for her. Actually, she enjoys doing things on her own. She enjoys planning for her future and she doesn’t let her singleness stop her from planning it thoroughly. Ms. I doesn’t date often because she has a hard time finding a man to meet her standards. She can easily not “find” the time to date or seek a relationship with a man. She is too busy building a life on her own!

Ms. I can be seen as too independent or lonely. She can be seen as a woman seeking a fairy tale man with standards that no one can reach. And, to men that do not reach her standards, she can be seen as a “B.” Her friends tell her to date more. Her mother worries if she will ever get grandchildren from her. Her father plays the leading male role in her life for longer than he expected. But, her boss loves her because she puts in extra hours to get her job done perfectly. Her teachers love the amount of time and effort she puts towards her studies. Her local Chinese restaurant loves her business as she is always ordering delivery due to her lack of time to cook a decent meal for herself.

There are pros and cons to Ms. Independent:

PROS

• · Not easily swayed by relationships or flattered by attractions
• · Has little to no need for reassurance from men
• · Cannot be taken advantage of easily
• · Is not easily upset or “crushed” by breakups or letdowns
• · Usually a common source of strength for other women
• · Tends to commit to and finish something that she starts (including relationships)

CONS

• · Has a hard time being vulnerable with emotions and personal information
• · Finds it difficult to be pampered by a man
• · Tends to isolate oneself
• · Has a hard time seeing past her career path
• · May be prideful and too self-reliant
• · May be demanding or tough on men dating herself or her friends

I have never been the type of girl that dreamed about getting married and having a ton of kids. I never ripped wedding dresses out of magazines or picked out venues for my reception. Nope. While all my friends were dating guys in high school, I was searching the country for different colleges to apply to. Instead of preparing to be a wife or a mother, I have spent most of my life preparing to be successful in my career. Now, don’t get me wrong. I want to get married and I wouldn’t mind having kids. But, those have never been roles that I have pursued to become. Instead of investing my time in dating, I invested my time in my education and career goals.

I’m not saying that I’m right or wrong. But, I am saying that this is me. From a very young age, I have had a strong independent spirit. I’m rarely “crushing” on a guy or dating anyone. I spend hours on end planning my future career goals or vacation plans and this is exhibited through my constant traveling and 3.8 GPA.

Well, now that I am 24 years old, I am beginning to start the career path that I have dreamed of for so many years. I have completed my Bachelor’s degree and will complete my Master’s degree in May. As that isn’t enough school, I will be starting my doctoral program this summer in June. When I went to go talk to an advisor in the doctoral program, she asked me if I was married. I told her no. And, she said “Good! Because we always suggest that if you have a family, you consult with them first before starting the program. This program will take over your life!”

Being Ms. Independent, this didn’t bother me. But, I called my mom to discuss the plan that I had begun to map out that included the doctoral program. Not to my surprise, one of the first questions my mom asked me was “So, can you wait? Can you wait another four years to get married? You should think about that.” I wasn’t shocked that she asked me these questions, but I still didn’t have an answer prepared for her.

Usually when my mom says something like this, I brush it off my shoulders. But, I think this Ms. I might be starting to change. I love the idea of having a successful career and I am going to do the doctoral program. But, I never really thought about giving my entire life up for more school. I have done so this far in my life. So, why is it bothering me now? Why am I actually pondering on this so intently? Is this independent lady starting to lose her “mojo”? Uh oh…

What's a girl supposed to do if she starts noticing her the cons of being so independent? Open up, let go of your inhibition, and realize that success in life doesn't only come from a career... It can come from friends, family, and most importantly... LOVE! ;)

Sincerely,

Ms. (Not So Sure) Independent

Condoleezza Rice

Oprah Winfrey