Keepin' It Real: How I Almost Lost Myself

Authenticity is something that my generation doesn’t seem to really understand well. I know this for sure because I struggle with it too. With this mad society full of computerized personalities, it is much easier to create the person that you want to be on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, or whatever is going to come out next. You know what I’m talking about…

Instead of using a random picture in our computer files, we find the most attractive, most seductive, or most glamorous picture of ourselves to serve as our profile picture (even if it was taken 4 years ago). Anytime one of our heartless, inconsiderate friends tag a more unappealing picture of us, we are quick to untag it and act as if it never existed. I do it all the time! Bad angle or not, it’s still YOU in the picture! Lol…We create the person that we want others to see…

It can be hard to stay authentic. I’ll never forget one of the first times that I noticed my use of the “fake me.” I was 17 or 18 years old and I had been popping off at the mouth one summer evening. My cousin (I’ll call her Cousin#1) and I went to go by other cousin’s (Cousin #2) house because she needed to get something from her. Cousin #1 didn’t have a car. So, I was her official designated driver. I didn’t mind going over Cousin #2’s house, but we really weren’t speaking at the time because of some beef that happened a couple of weeks earlier. But, I took her over there. Cousin #1 got out of the car and got her stuff from Cousin #2. Well, apparently when Cousin #1 was leaving the porch, Cousin #2 said something under her breath about me. I didn’t know though.

Cousin #1 gets in the car and we drive off. As we are turning the corner, she informs me that Cousin #2 said something about me. Well, I was being big and bad that night. So, I started acting a fool. I’m all yelling and everything trying to act like I was going to do something to Cousin #2. Now, Cousin #2 was little, but she was tough. All throughout high school, she got in fights with girls that wanted her son’s father. Me, on the other hand, hates even being around fights. All throughout grade and high school, I would try and get away as soon as I saw people arguing. While everyone else was cheering and laughing, I wanted to puke because it was just so malicious to fight! Even though I had never been in a fight in my entire life, I couldn’t care less because I was really feeling myself that night. I told Cousin #1, “We are going back over there because she ain’t going to talk about me like that!” I could tell Cousin #1 was shocked by my reaction (and a little scared for me…lol).

We drove back around and I got out of the car. Cousin #2 was sitting on her porch talking on the phone. I stomped my big and bad self up the porch and ask her does she have something to say to me. She says no. As I turn around, I hear her whisper a very derogatory word about me. Immediately, time stops and I turn around!

“What did you say?!”, I said.

“Nothing.”

“That’s what I thought!”

I turn around and start walking back to the car. And, I’m thinking that the situation is over. I can’t wait to get back to the car and let Cousin #1 know how I punked her! As soon as I reach the driver’s door, Cousin #2 was right behind me! She starts yelling stuff and hits me in my face! Oh, it was on…

The fight didn’t last long, but it sure felt like it. By the end of the fight, my 5’9” body was on the ground with her 5’ body over top of me. (I will say that she did UNFAIRLY trip me…) She was pulling my hair and I wouldn’t let go of hers either! I can honestly say that I’m not sure if any of us ever really got a good hit in because we were too busy trying to pull each other’s hair and do the windmill.

Now, I’m no fighter. So, I’m not really sure about what constitutes as a win or a loss. But, I will say this. Even though I was on the ground at the end of the fight, she had lost half the hair tracks in her head and I still had my hair…. Soooo…. Ok. Ok……. I l-l-lo- los-los. I can’t say it.

After this fight, I felt not only tired and sore, but stupid! (And, to top it off, Cousin #1 didn’t have a license. So, I had to drive my wore-out body home myself! Ha!)I knew I wasn’t a fighter! I knew that I really didn’t want to fight my own cousin! I knew it! But, I wasn’t being authentic… I was trying to be the baddest chick! I almost lost myself.

What. A. Joke. (That night, we made up… haha!)

Authenticity has lost its way. In our world today, you can create the person you want to be even if you really aren’t that person at all. For example, I got a lot of reaction from putting my 3rd grade school picture on Facebook. Most of my Facebook “friends” had not known me at this stage in life. So, they were shocked, appalled, or just plain tickled by it. Others tried to console me. :) Some commented, some texted me, and one even called me and asked if I was okay! LOL… Now, everyone knows that I don’t look like this little girl anymore… But, this little girl is me. I may not look like her, but, authentically, I am still part of her. Everything thing that she went through and felt in life led up to the image that I am portraying right now on Facebook, Twitter (briesky86- quick plug!), LinkedIn, Bits by Brie, and my life in general!

Look at the image that you are portraying… is it authentic? Yes?! Great! No?! Uh oh. Sorta?! Yeah, that’s most of us. It’s smart to be reserved, but it’s not smart to foolishly act like a totally different person. That can get you laying flat on your back (like me)!

Don't lose yourself. Be authentic.

Tootles!

bnc