Why Are You Still Single? (The Story of My Life)

Oh. My. Goodness. If someone else asks me this question, I will scream! I mean really… what am I supposed to say? “Umm… because I have twelve toes.” “Well, because I at night I turn into ogre like Princess Fiona.” Or how about, “What?! I’m single?! Nobody told me!!!”

Every time that someone inquires about my love life, I just want to shout from the top of the Eiffel Tower, “I’m single because I have standards!” Now, I know what you are thinking… “Your standards must be too high.” Really?! That’s what you’re thinking, huh? Well, you get a big fat F on your forehead for missing the lesson here. Allow me to explain.

You see. For most of my childhood years, I went through a stage that I liked to call “The Ugly Years. The Ugly Years started when I was in the 3^rd grade. I remember the first day that I was enlightened on how ugly I was to another student. It was Picture Day at school and my mom had done my hair in a gorgeous style. She had put spiral curls in my seemingly long, flowing hair. She had put a beautiful flower print dress on me and sent me on my way. I was excited! I couldn’t wait to sit down and flash my pearly whites (that included a set of slightly larger “buck teeth”) to the photographer. I was confident about my hair and outfit. I was convinced that I had what it took to pull this task off. I was certain about myself. However, there was one thing that I was not certain of… That, my friend, was the weather.

I hadn’t experienced many issues with my hair before. I was young. Therefore, I hadn’t figured out the ins and outs of a Black woman’s hair. I couldn’t comprehend the significance of maintaining dry hair. I hadn’t been through the test and trials, the valleys and the dark places that having Black hair can take you. So, I went to school that day on what seemed to be a dry day, took my good ol’ school picture, and went outside for recess. Honestly, I’m not even sure what happened during recess. All I can remember are three things… 1.) I went outside with a head full of curls. 2.) Rain. 3.) I came back inside with an afro. No, not a polished, picked-out, even fro. But, a DON KING, lopsided, tangled mess-of-a-fro! And, I was embarrassed…

Long story short… One of the 4^th grade boys (that I had a crush on) came to me and made me aware of how ugly I was with my fro.

Ok. Enough of that story. (lol) Moving on…

For years, I tried to be “the girl” that guys liked. I ruined my chance with my 4^th grade crush because of the fro incident. I had low self-esteem and a lack of confidence for a long time (due to other situations after the afro story). But, I grew up. I had to realize that I get one life to live and I get one person to live its entirety with… me. So, I was either going to live my life with some miserable person (me), or I could live my life with a fantastic, beautiful, confident person (me)…

I’m at a point now where I have no time for BS. Seriously. A man with “game” is of no interests to me. Forget game. Have some integrity…. It’s funny because in my teen years, I was oblivious to all the crap that guys throw at you. Other ladies know what I’m talking about.

Things like:

· “You’re special to me.” (Special how? Apparently, you think I’m special ed for believing this.)

· “You are different than the rest of these girls.” (This may be true now. But, eventually, you are going to get sick of this “different” girl and want what all the other girls are giving away.)

· “I’m going to marry you.” (Huh? You don’t even know if you’re going to college or not… How can you see this in the future?)

Yeah, we all fell for stuff like this, ladies! It’s like we walked around with purposeful amnesia. Forget that this boy has slept with a dozen other girls at the school. Forget that this boy is barely passing any of his classes. Forget that this boy has never shown any type of respect towards other females. He’s the one!

I don’t think so.

A couple of weeks ago, I was approached by a guy spitting a boatload of game. I swear that he sounded like Charlie Brown’s teacher. He kept talking and I kept laughing to myself (and aloud). But, this guy was persistent and passionate about his game. He really thought that whatever he was trying to whisper in my ear was going to work. (Even though I was still resisting to acknowledge much of what he was saying). After a while of this crap, I started feeling like I was in high school all over again. Like I was seventeen again. Like I was sitting in my school’s cafeteria... again. All I could think was, “Come on! Come with something better than this!”

Don’t tell me that my smile is beautiful. I know that. I paid for it.

Don’t tell me that I’m different than “other” girls. I’m aware of this. Everyone is different from the next person.

Don’t tell me that you could give me the life that I want. You don’t know what I want. Plus, I love my life and you don’t even have a job.

Instead of all this wasted air, tell me something about you because I know about me. Tell me that you are working on yourself. Tell me that you may not be perfect, but you're walking in God's perfect will for your life. Tell me that you may have a messed up past, but it won't interfere with your future. Tell me that you plan to be a faithful husband and a committed father. Not just a husband and a father. Tell me that you have integrity and you're a man of your word. Tell me that you are a Man of God. Tell me that you may not be where you want to be, but you are doing everything it takes to become the man He wants you to be. Not just merely trying. Tell me that you have a JOB. A real job. A legal job. Not making millions (I’m no gold digger), but at least making something. Tell me that even though you hate your job, you’re going to stay until God says move. I need to know that you aren’t a quitter. Tell me that you have a 1-year, 5-year, and 10-year plan because I do. Tell me that you know The Word. I mean, you don’t have to quote the entire thing verse by verse, but have the principles down, please! Tell me that if I try to “come on” to you, you will end the relationship. I need to know that you are doing more than waiting on me, but that you’re waiting on marriage. Tell me that you fully understand your duty to love your wife just like Christ loved the church if you are expecting her to submit to you. Tell me that you have completed something significant in your life. A degree, a business, a nonprofit... Something!

I’m over game. I’m over playing around. I’m over little boys. I’m over being a little girl.

That is why I’m single… (for now) J

Tootles peeps!

bnc

Here it is! The 3rd grade picture! :)

***Disclaimer: I have spent time with some great guys and we just weren't a match. So, if you are reading this... Please know that I am not talking about you the least bit! :)