Babies: What's All the Rave?

You know… They say that everything comes around twice and there is nothing new under the sun. This is true. Just take a look at history… High waist trousers came, went and came back. Vintage furniture came, went, and came back. Aviator glasses came, went, and came back. And now… Having a brood of children has come, went, and come back. Our country has went from mothers have a slew of children, to becoming working mothers, to becoming working women with just a couple of children or none, back to having a house full of children. Celebrities are praised for having kids (especially if they have twins) and reality TV has started a race to see what mother can have the most kids. Eight, ten, nineteen? We ooh and aah at the reality of taking care of more kids than your fingers can count. We ogle and drool over celebrity babies and their awkward, yet intriguing names. I mean really… Kate Gosselin and Angela Jolie are two of the most pictured people in pop TV and magazines. And, for what? Having as many kids as a football team! Forget that Angelina stole someone else’s husband and bragged about it and Kate practically drove her husband away with her nasty, crude remarks. Their mothers! So, let’s worship them! Yay!

Not.

So, the other day, I was having a very stimulating, yet irritating conversation with a woman that I greatly admire. It all started when I sparked a debate on whether The Duggers (from 19 and Counting) should continue having kids. I saw a commercial about the last baby that they had, Josie, who was born prematurely. I stated something along these lines, “They need to stop having kids. She is getting older and that is probably why she is having problems with this baby.” The woman that I was speaking to proceeded to tell me that it is God’s perfect will for us not to use contraceptives… I almost fell out of my seat. NOT TAKE CONTRACEPTIVES?! That’s absurd! What about family planning? What about population control? What about all those people that can’t afford kids? If contraceptives were not invented, poverty would be on the rise, crime would be on the rise, illness would be on the rise, and I would go insane from all the kids here! How could God want that for the world?!

Well, as I write this blog, I still don’t completely agree with that statement. But, who knows? Maybe I will change my mind later… either way, it got me to thinking… a lot.

For years, I have seen friends, cousins, and my brother have children. My niece was born when I was at the ripe age of fifteen. When she was born, our lives changed forever. We had another person to love, to care for, to play with, and cuddle. But, we also received a person that needed diaper changes, required more money to be spent, woke us up during the middle of the night, and a person that threw up all the time. It was fun. It was exciting. And because she pretty much lived with us after my brother left for the army, it was a lot of work! Almost every year after that, either my brother, a cousin, or a friend has had a baby since. So, I have been surrounded by kids for a long seven years. From childhood, all the way to the adulthood that I am now trying to survive. I have seen the ups and downs of parenthood. I have seen the triumphs and the failures of parenthood. I have babysat for a couple of hours, had children under my care overnight, and I have lived with kids for months at a time. I have cared for little cousins that call me aunt. I have cared for children who are not biologically related to me, but call me aunt. I have been a teacher to children, a babysitter, and I currently work with the youth at my church. I have children named after me and godchildren that I have seen birthed into this world… yet, I am not sure whether or not parenthood is a task that I desire to take on.

I am different. I have never been the girl that was excited to get married and produce offspring. Yes, I want to have a husband. For sure. One day. But, kids… I’m not sure. I am a dreamer. I love to sit down and imagine what my future will be. However, any time I think about my future, I see myself with multiple degrees, a fabulous job, traveling with world, and giving back to the world. In some of these “dreams”, I see myself with a husband. Someone that I can travel with, go see a movie with, share our interests together and have a desk across from in our study to talk about our jobs. But, I never see children in that equation.

There are so many reasons why I feel this way. Firstly, being a parent is a HUGE responsibility. And, I mean huge! There is typically no more sleep, no more “me” time, more money to be spent, and a lot of time given to training children to be successful adults. I’m not sure I am capable of this, or that I want to take on a responsibility like this. Secondly, I hate disappointment! I hate putting all my strength into something just to see my project go to ruin or waste. This happens all the time with children. Tons of parents give the best part of their life to a child only to watch the child squander all their hard work by living an unsuccessful and disgraceful lifestyle as an adult! This gives me chills because I know that if I were in this situation, I would feel like a failure. And, lastly, (although I can think of more reasons) I already have the task of being an aunt or god mom to a somewhat large group of children. Many of which, love to be around me and enjoy their time when we get together. I realize the position that I hold in the lives of these children and I want to fully give all that I can to them. I want to be a safe haven for them. I want them to spend summers with me or come talk to me when they feel like they can’t talk to their parents. I want to pay for some of their college or financially sponsor them when they have a dream they’re pursuing. I’m not a perfect aunt or god mom. I forget birthdays and I really should spend more time with all of them. I want to work on these relationships before I begin any others. Even my own kids… these are just a few reasons why I am currently reluctant to state that I am a good candidate for parenthood in the future.

The Bible says, “Be fruitful and multiply.” You can take that literally to mean “have kids”, by which you are multiplying your seed. Or, like me, you can take that to mean “do something to help someone”, by which you are multiplying your beliefs, values, and character to others. (Of course, you need to ask God yourself to translate this scripture to you. Don’t take my word for what it means.) As a Christian, people use this scripture all the time to tell people to have children. But, if you do not belief that parenthood is for you, what do you do? Some people may think that I am selfish, irresponsible, scared or speaking too soon. And, honestly, maybe that is all very true! But, doesn’t that prove that I am not the candidate to produce offspring? Uhh huh… gotcha!

In five or ten years, I may change my mind. I may look back at this blog and laugh at myself. Maybe! Or maybe, I will get married and look back at this blog and still wholeheartedly agree with it. I’m not saying that I want my ability to have children taken away from me. And, I’m not saying that this is my final decision. But, I am seeking God and my decision to have children. I know. I know. I have a long time to make this decision… a long time! But, as I get older, this is something that I think about more often and plus, it’s a fun topic to blog about!

Tootles!

-bnc